We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
