Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
