Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
