i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
