I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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