I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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