Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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