saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
