Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
