there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
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