How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
