my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
