Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
