i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
