you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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