I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
