I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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