i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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