I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
