i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
