I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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