oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
