I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
