i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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