Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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