I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
