Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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