Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
