I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
There was a lot of him and a little penis
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
