He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
