It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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