Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
