Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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