I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
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