Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
