i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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