you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
