there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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