New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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