im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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