just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
