GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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