What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
