Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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