If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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