I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
is it fun? or sober?
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