ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
