can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
