I wish I could punch you in the face.
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Randomize
