Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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