rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
