my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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