I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
